New State. Yay.

Every time we cross over into a new state I get more and more excited about the fact that we are getting closer to our destination. I actually got to run across the border into North Carolina yesterday – took some pictures with my cellphone, but I’ll have to show you those at another point in time.

It’s getting tough guys – tough to stay on this road. We are SO close and I am SO over being here. Tired of all the grumbling and dissension in camp (we now have a “rebel” camp of nearly 30 people that are no longer with us, but are close enough by to cause
tension). I’m tired of all the inner drama of my own intimate family on this journey.

Tired in my body – tired in my heart – just…well.

I was running yesterday and just felt absolutely fatigued with all of it. Got to camp and met up with a local organizer who offered up her house for the afternoon for a shower, a washer and dryer and her computer. It was lovely just to sit in an actual kitchen and watch someone cut up vegetables, offering me a raw this or a raw that on occasion.

On the way to her house we passed by the rebel camp and Maggie wanted to stop and say hello to them. I really didn’t want to get embroiled in all of it, but she insisted and there we were. Within a few minutes we had a few of the folks at the car raging and railing and imploring that we should join the “true” walk and forget about the “Dennis Banks” walk down the street.

To tell you the truth the whole thing made me sick to my stomach. I did not come here to pick sides. I didn’t come here to fight with people. I didn’t come here to stake some claim to one man or one cause or one anything.
If I had been able to get my hands on any money at the time (my card will be arriving tomorrow) I would’ve very likely been out of here and on my way to the Cape.

I was talking to Gilberto and asking out loud why I should stay here and continue to suffer all of the bullshit drama that’s going on in camp – that’s going on with my friends and that’s going on with me. Why not just go somewhere where I am loved and can be of service and chuck all this into the proverbial rubbish bin?

“Well, I gotta tell you Nikki that I was going to leave too, about three weeks ago. And I talked to Shonin about it and he convinced me to stay. And I’m staying for a few reasons. One is that I made a commitment to Shonin to stay here, and another is that…you know, we go through all this stuff, and it’s painful and hard. It’s like looking at your own vomit, everything that can come up when we are in these types of settings – looking at your own shit (and, yeah Gilberto talks like this). I find, that sometimes when we have all this come up, all this manure, the work is to take it and find someway to make into compost that is actually going to be worth something.”

Friggin Monks.



So…you know.

I’m here today. I’m in Asheville, North Carolina. It’s not a rest day, but I’m making it one. I’m at the library. I’m going to coffeeshops. I’m hitting bookstores and exploring this city on my own, on my own two feet.

Sometimes I get a little pang of loneliness about what’s going on for me and for this walk but I only think it’s uncomfortable because I’m doing what I need to do to wrench myself away from old patterns and into the ones I know are good for me. Some of you know what I’m talking about and some of you are going to be a little lost. It’s okay…I’m okay, and that’s probably good enough for now.