Anxiety

So I've been having all these dreams...still. One friend says I'm tuned into all the craziness in the world; another thinks it's more personal, my dreams are related to my apprenhension around my current situation (no job, money running out, etc.)

Could be a good old fashioned combination of both - all I know is I'm getting a little tired (literally) of being chased by guns, maniacs and tsunami style waves on a nightly basis. Not to mention Burt Reynolds. He was in my dream the other night too. He wasn't really doing anything, he was just there. And that, my friends, was frightening in its own right.

I'm not going to sit here and bemoan my fate. I don't even know what's in store - and I know there are people in a lot shakier situations than myself...but I'm having to work on this trust thing more than I'm used to.

I'm a planner. I like making plans. I like the list. And even with all the freefall of the Spain trip, the plan in itself kept me moving and motivated.

Right now I'm in a pretty complete freefall. I know nothing. Well, I know I'm moving into The Big Purple House on January 2nd, and I'm looking forward to that. And I have a couple of gigs with Monica to do non-violence trainings. I have a few articles that are floating around hoping to be picked up. I'm going to a couple of shows. But...I don't have a job and I can't turn on the radio (thank god I don't have a television) without forecasters forecasting doom. I swear, some of them have even taken to chuckling, or talking with a smirk 'cause the economic news just gets worse and worse.

And yet...and yet...there is a weird excitement about it all. I know, it'll be okay. I mean, whatever happens, it'll be okay. And I mean okay in the sense of, I will stay housed and I won't starve, I'm a ways off from that. So, you know, shelter and food are the essentials and those are covered.

I don't know. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this. Just saying hi.